Tooth Dust
Potential reasons why this article exists:
1. The writer is engaged to a woman whose cousin is in a band, a band who once had a radio hit. This band is widely loathed. A proposition was made -- passively, quietly -- that suggested to the writer that if he didn't use his pull at the web-zine he writes for to get some publicity for the cousin of his betrothed, he would find himself swiftly unbetrothed and without a solid jawbone. He wrote it. Cruelly, teeth are now a pile of dust.
2. The writer of this article has not yet secured his position at the web-zine he wants to write articles for, articles about music, because he loves music more than anything else on Earth, even more than pizza. The editors sent him on the cruelest assignment: write an article about this band that is so universally reviled that people cringe at the mere thought of their music. Write it without saying or implying one, solitary nasty thing about them. Now that the writer has besmirched his reputation and subjugated everything he stands for, he might (might) be allowed to review the new Iron and Wine EP. Might.
3. It is actually 1994. I have zoomed forward in time eleven years to write this and will zoom back to 1994 in three short minutes. I am wearing comfortable shoes.
4. The organizer of the Atlanta SoulFest has had an ill-fated (or, if you choose, brilliant) idea: Collect bands with the word "soul" in their name and have them all play during one kick-ass Hot-lanta weekend. Overheard in the SoulFest offices: "Dudes, this is gonna be KILLER!" This article was commissioned (yes, paid for) by the SoulFest committee to generate some early viral buzz.
Also included: De La Soul, Soul Asylum, S.O.U.L., Old Soul, Raw Soul, Soul II Soul, Soul Kiss and Bag of Soul. Axed from the festival were Soul Angel, Soul Lever, Soul What?, Soul-e! and Malignant Death Soul Cruise.
1. The writer is engaged to a woman whose cousin is in a band, a band who once had a radio hit. This band is widely loathed. A proposition was made -- passively, quietly -- that suggested to the writer that if he didn't use his pull at the web-zine he writes for to get some publicity for the cousin of his betrothed, he would find himself swiftly unbetrothed and without a solid jawbone. He wrote it. Cruelly, teeth are now a pile of dust.
2. The writer of this article has not yet secured his position at the web-zine he wants to write articles for, articles about music, because he loves music more than anything else on Earth, even more than pizza. The editors sent him on the cruelest assignment: write an article about this band that is so universally reviled that people cringe at the mere thought of their music. Write it without saying or implying one, solitary nasty thing about them. Now that the writer has besmirched his reputation and subjugated everything he stands for, he might (might) be allowed to review the new Iron and Wine EP. Might.
3. It is actually 1994. I have zoomed forward in time eleven years to write this and will zoom back to 1994 in three short minutes. I am wearing comfortable shoes.
4. The organizer of the Atlanta SoulFest has had an ill-fated (or, if you choose, brilliant) idea: Collect bands with the word "soul" in their name and have them all play during one kick-ass Hot-lanta weekend. Overheard in the SoulFest offices: "Dudes, this is gonna be KILLER!" This article was commissioned (yes, paid for) by the SoulFest committee to generate some early viral buzz.
Also included: De La Soul, Soul Asylum, S.O.U.L., Old Soul, Raw Soul, Soul II Soul, Soul Kiss and Bag of Soul. Axed from the festival were Soul Angel, Soul Lever, Soul What?, Soul-e! and Malignant Death Soul Cruise.
posted by Amandalucia at 9:54 AM
2 Comments:
So what happened to Blessid Union of Souls? Man, they always get the shaft...
I found this by googling "Stephen Malkmus Elastica" in an attempt to track down the name of a song they collaborated on. Huh. Collective Soul? Who knew?
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